DAY 142

August 3, 1999

I woke up at 5 am and moved around slowly.   For breakfast, I fixed a bowl of granola with water and powdered skim milk in it.   This seems so isolated out here with barely a car going by and the landscape is so vast that I can see forever. 

Riding slowly, I wanted to just take it easy on my knees and really experience this giant vastness around me. Sun beaming across the landscape- warm brightness enveloping my body, gravel road turning below my wheels. Alone I ride, alone I exist, quiet and peaceful in the silent air, I lost myself.

As I approached an area called Castle Rock, I found myself sitting in a ditch near Castle Rock and for some reason I felt so complete.  As I sit here writing these words in my journal, this whole experience feels unreal. Words are difficult to describe what I'm feeling and "seeing" now. It is almost as if I'm on drugs or hallucinating. The real feels unreal, this remote area of wilderness feels like a 3-dimensional painting I'm in.

My thoughts carried me back through all the experiences on my journey and the last influence of people in Dawson City.  They helped me see other aspects of myself as I've been trying to re-define who I am in this world.    That special place encompassed many great emotions for me and many other great souls on journeys of their own.  Many I have neglected to write about, what incredible people they were. It was as if everything else was preparing me for Dawson City and now here I am, sitting in the middle of absolutely nowhere on the top of the world..  :-)

I came to the conclusion that here I exist, and here I need only to remember that I am alone, was born alone and will die alone. This journey is not for those reading on the internet who are following me, it is not to boost my ego by some sort of accomplishment. It is my journey exploring inner space. Why ride the bicycle, why not sit in a cave for many months? What is real, what really matters? I know not. It is not the finding but it is the seeking that matters.

Why keep riding? Maybe I should catch a ride with a pick-up truck.  This journey to me is over as I experienced a surreal moment along the road, almost as if it was an out of body experience as I looked down upon myself from high above and seeing the small speck of me in the vastness of this universe.  I could continue on to Prudhoe Bay, but why?  This journey feels so complete now and I have found many pleasures along the way.  But fortuna's wheel is always turning and eventually I will find myself at the bottom again.  This is the price I must pay for pleasure, but I'm happy for it, the sweet price of pain for pleasure.  The more misery I endured, the more I could appreciate all the good things along this journey.   Misery and pain are compulsory and evokes emotional responses that are in a sense good.  Good in that it is raw and at times and uncontrolled release of tension and anxiety that makes me feel reborn once I've endured it.  Something most of those driving by in RV's may never understand.

Most of them live more along these lines:

*work to make money
*make money to spend on needless wants and desires
*spend to fulfill an empty short-lived happiness
*go in debt to buy more things to make one happy(or impress others)
*live to work, a slave to a consumerist society
*consumerism = stress = sickness
*die and never truly find happiness through materialism

On this journey I have found myself more at peace with myself when I wasn't searching for it.  Like that day riding in Kansas when I first experienced a close connection to my bike and the world around.  It was that day I learned to "let go" and just be.  It isn't always easy, but now I know I've experienced it and can continue to find those special moments in time.

Pedaling along, I allowed my consciousness to float through the timeless space here and travel across mountain ranges, inside hidden mountain lakes, soar through the clouds, and zig zag through the small trees around me to eventually catch up to myself from behind and really enjoy being me.  I yelled "Woo  Hoooooooooooo" at the top of my lungs and began singing in my awful singing voice and loved it.  It was just me and cars were scarce and I was at one with everything.

What an incredible experience and I only hope I can return and live a much simpler life and able to now laugh at myself when I make mistakes, realizing that is a part of life.   I remember seeing Andrew able to laugh at himself when he either said something really screwed up or did something stupid.  People that can laugh at themselves and realize that we need to let things go, and move on to cherish each moment are admirable.   Dogs have always been admired by me by their ability to constantly live in the moment and love their owners unconditionally.  I miss having a dog for a companion, maybe I'll look for one when I get to Alaska.

One thing about this stretch of road, there is no water along the road.  This highway runs very high up for many miles where the trees no longer grow.  There are no streams or water sources.  My 4 bottles of water and my 1 Nalgene bottle that were full leaving Dawson City, were now down to one bottle with about one fourth of water left in it.  The day had been very hot and dry, 32 degrees Celsius( about 90 degrees F I think).  Normally I would never have any type of canned food with me, but I had bought several cans of Tuna while I stayed in Dawson.  Now I had one can with me.   In an effort to save water, I opened the can of tuna and drank the water out, then made a tuna sandwich for a late afternoon meal.

Luckily, the border was much closer than I thought and I arrived with only a drop of water left.   56.5miles to the border.

today - 60.66
avg - 6.5
total - 6033

Continued in Alaska...

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