August 3, 1999
I woke up at 5 am and moved around slowly.
For breakfast, I fixed a bowl of granola with water and powdered
skim milk in it. This seems so isolated out here with barely
a car going by and the landscape is so vast that I can see forever.
As I approached an area called Castle Rock, I found myself sitting in a ditch near Castle Rock and for some reason I felt so complete. As I sit here writing these words in my journal, this whole experience feels unreal. Words are difficult to describe what I'm feeling and "seeing" now. It is almost as if I'm on drugs or hallucinating. The real feels unreal, this remote area of wilderness feels like a 3-dimensional painting I'm in.
My thoughts carried me back through all the experiences on my journey and the last influence of people in Dawson City. They helped me see other aspects of myself as I've been trying to re-define who I am in this world. That special place encompassed many great emotions for me and many other great souls on journeys of their own. Many I have neglected to write about, what incredible people they were. It was as if everything else was preparing me for Dawson City and now here I am, sitting in the middle of absolutely nowhere on the top of the world.. :-)
I came to the conclusion that here I exist, and here I need only to remember that I am alone, was born alone and will die alone. This journey is not for those reading on the internet who are following me, it is not to boost my ego by some sort of accomplishment. It is my journey exploring inner space. Why ride the bicycle, why not sit in a cave for many months? What is real, what really matters? I know not. It is not the finding but it is the seeking that matters.
Why keep riding? Maybe I should catch a ride with a pick-up truck. This journey to me is over as I experienced a surreal moment along the road, almost as if it was an out of body experience as I looked down upon myself from high above and seeing the small speck of me in the vastness of this universe. I could continue on to Prudhoe Bay, but why? This journey feels so complete now and I have found many pleasures along the way. But fortuna's wheel is always turning and eventually I will find myself at the bottom again. This is the price I must pay for pleasure, but I'm happy for it, the sweet price of pain for pleasure. The more misery I endured, the more I could appreciate all the good things along this journey. Misery and pain are compulsory and evokes emotional responses that are in a sense good. Good in that it is raw and at times and uncontrolled release of tension and anxiety that makes me feel reborn once I've endured it. Something most of those driving by in RV's may never understand.
them live more along these lines:
today - 60.66
Continued in Alaska...